IMO, he is definitely controlling. As far as abusive, I would think you have to decide how his behavior makes you feel. Angry, sad, uncomfortable, or even scared? The “tantrums” seem to me, however, a pretty good sign of where your relationship is headed. I believe his actions may very well escalate into physical confrontations.
how can you put up with that? I couldn’t. If you don’t already, imagine having kids with him…
Life is a series of compromises. We don’t always get to behave the way we want or to do the things we wish. Often, we have to accommodate the demands of our partners, spouses, lovers, children, neighbors, friends, colleagues – and country. Such inevitable compromises are not abusive. They form the fabric of society and of the social contract (treaty).
A thin line separates healthy accommodation from psthological abuse.
NO! Unless he puts a gun or knife to your head!
yes it is!!! i know what you’re going through. my boyfriend physically wouldn’t let me put on a top i wanted to wear once cuz it was sleeveless and he then proceeded to go through all my clothes telling me which once i was not allowed to wear. yeah, he is convincing you that your body is dirty and that you are a bad woman for wanting to show it off. but the female body is beautiful and you should be able to wear whatever you want to show it off. it is definetely a form of emotional and sexual abuse.
As an adult you are entitled to make your own decisions and to choose your own preferences without your boyfriend infringing on what is YOUR domain and an expression of your personality, tastes AND your capacity to make an adult decision about what is and what is not an appropriate presentation in given circumstances.
It’s undermining and controlling on his part and one might wonder what it is that attracted you to him if he is actually disapproving of the way you ARE.
If you find yourself acquiescing to HIS preferences to please HIM, I think that’s a step in the wrong direction because you’re eroding your individuality and if you do so in other arenas, it’s likely that this could wind up an abusive dynamic where one party controls or manipulates the other and so forth.
Of course, there needs to be compromise in relationships. If you were asked to wear something conservative to perhaps a funeral or something of that kind, fair enough. But if a man expects you to generally alter who you are and how you express your individuality to suit his whims, this is not a good sign.
It’s not really abuse in itself, but it is definitely controlling. Something like “you have to wear THESE clothes” could turn a lot uglier and get a lot worse as your relationship progresses. So basically, it’s not a good sign.